Sailing Humor

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Sailing Definitions

  • Amidships - condition of being surrounded by boats.
  • Anchor - a device designed to bring up mud samples from the bottom at inopportune or unexpected times.
  • Anchor Light - a small light used to discharge the battery before daylight.
  • Bare Boat - Clothing Optional.
  • Beam Sea - A situation in which waves strike a boat from the side, causing it to roll unpleasantly. This is one of the four directions from which wave action tends to produce extreme physical discomfort. The other three are `bow sea' (waves striking from the front), `following sea' (waves striking from the rear), and `quarter sea' (waves striking from any other direction).
  • Berth - a little addition to the crew.
  • Boat ownership. Standing fully-clothed under a cold shower, tearing up 100-dollar bills
  • Boom - sometimes the result of a surprise jibe.
  • Boom - Called boom for the sound that's made when it hits crew in the head on its way across the boat. For slow crew, it's called `boom, boom.'
  • Bottom Paint - what you get when the cockpit seats are freshly painted.
  • Calm - Sea condition characterized by the simultaneous disappearance of the
  • wind and the last cold beverage.
  • Chart - a type of map which tells you exactly where you are aground.
  • Clew - an indication from the skipper as to what he might do next.
  • Companionway - a double berth.
  • Course - The direction in which a skipper wishes to steer his boat and from which the wind is blowing. Also, the language that results by not being able to.
  • Cruising - Fixing your boat in exotic locations.
  • Crew - Heavy, stationary objects used on shipboard to hold down charts, anchor cushions in place and dampen sudden movements of the boom.
  • Current - Tidal flow that carries a boat away from its desire destination, or towards a hazard
  • Dead Reckoning - a course leading directly to a reef.
  • Deadrise - getting up to check the anchor at 0300.
  • Deviation - any departure from the Captainís orders.
  • Dinghy - the sound of the shipís bell.
  • Displacement - when you dock your boat and canít find it later.
  • Estimated Position - a place you have marked on the chart where you are sure you are not.
  • First Mate - crew member necessary for skippers to practice shouting instructions to.
  • Flashlight - Tubular metal container used on shipboard for storing dead batteries prior to their disposal
  • Fluke - The portion of an anchor that digs securely into the bottom, holding the boat in place; also, any occasion when this occurs on the first try.
  • Foul Wind - breeze produced by flying turkey.
  • Freeboard - food and liquor supplied by the owner.
  • Gybe - A common way to get unruly guests off your boat.
  • Headway - what you are making if you canít get the toilet to work.
  • Head up - Leaving the boat toilet seat up. When boat skipper is female, leaving the head up is a serious offense
  • Heave-Ho - what you do when youíve eaten too much Ho.
  • Jack Lines - `Hey baby, want to go sailing?'
  • Jibe - either you like it or you donít and it gets you.
  • Keel - term used by 1st mate after too much heel by skipper.
  • Ketch - A sailboat with good wine in the cabin
  • Landlubber - anyone on board who wishes he were not.
  • Latitude - the number of degrees off course allowed a guest.
  • Mast - religious ritual used before setting sail.
  • Mizzen - an object you canít find.
  • Motor Sailer - A sailboat that alternates between sail/rigging problems and engine problems, and with some booze in the cabin.
  • Noserly - What to call the wind direction when it comes from where you're going
  • Ram - an intricate docking maneuver sometimes used by experienced skippers.
  • Rhumb Line - two or more crew members waiting for a drink.
  • Sailing - The fine art of getting wet and becoming ill, while going nowhere slowly at great expense.
  • Schooner - A sailboat with a fully stocked liquor cabinet in the cabin
  • Sheet - cool, damp, salty night covering.
  • Shroud - equipment used in connection with a wake.
  • Starboard - special board used by skippers for navigation (usually with "Port" on the opposite side.)
  • Swell - a wave thatís just great.
  • Square Rigger - a rigger over 30.
  • Sloop - A sailboat with beer and/or wine in the cabin.
  • Tack Ė A maneuver the skipper uses when telling the crew what they did wrong without getting them mad.
  • Yawl - A sailboat from Texas, with some good bourbon stored down yonder in the cabin
  • Zephyr - Warm, pleasant breeze. Named after the mythical Greek god of wishful thinking, false hopes, and unreliable forecasts.

    Sailboat Humor
    Starboard and Port
    Sailing Definitions

    Sell your Sailboat to Africa!

    Grandpa's Funny Pages
    Page 2: Sell your Sailboat to Africa!
    Page 3: American based scams
    Page 4: Boat for sale scam
    Page 5: Room for Rent scam
    Page 6: Motorhome for sale scam
    Page 7: I've lost my wallet and need your loan!
    Page 8: Give me your PIN number, I already have your credit card number.
    Page 9: How to accept payment for your boat without getting scammed